#FreePalestine = #StandWithIsrael
I can be Jewish if the price is right, but I really don’t think we should have a dreidel in this Israel-Palestine fight.
In other words, we shouldn’t give aid to any country (except if related to interstate war).
But since we do give them aid then I have no choice but to come down from my cross and humbly tell the Jews what to do…
This isn’t controversial...
Israelis should lay down their arms and convert to Islam because not only is it their surest path to peace in this life — assuming they practice the right sect in the right way — but to also get 72 white virgins in the next one.
Mother Mary run!
Okay, maybe peace isn’t the be-all-end-all, especially to our friendly neighborhood Prophet Mohammed.
So then what should be done?
I think rather than debate who has the most legitimate claim to stolen land (all land is stolen) I simply come at it from the American perspective: What will increase life, liberty, and happiness?
A N N E X I T A L L .
Let me spell out the obvious…
If Israel annexed Gaza and the West Bank then this would MASSIVELY increase the quality of life for Jews due to the curious idea of not providing space from which to launch rockets at themselves and Palestinians who’d undeniably see an increase in their life, liberty, and happiness.
After all, Israeli Muslims enjoy a lot more rights than Muslims in Muslim countries hence the latter’s desire to flee to countries where they have little political influence.
Does anyone disagree?
And don’t pretend like you care about Palestinian culture when 1 language dies every 14 days and your only solution is more globalization, e.g. oppose any tax on goods, services, people, and obscenity entering a country and young people’s minds.
If in 20 years the Palestinian youth are virtually identical to American youth in their interests and values then what exactly are they fighting to preserve besides the grievances of their deceased ancestors?
It also amuses me that if you went around these pro-Palestinian rallies and asked people, “Who attacked us on 9/11,” many of them wouldn’t know yet I’m supposed to believe they care about pre-1948 land claims from a region of the world they probably couldn’t point to on a map and wherein learning that someone inherited beach front property would say it should be taxed 90%, i.e. you only have a legitimate claim to 10% of what your father owned let alone what your great great grandfather owned.
So rather than adopt the ethnic-based grievances that keep these regions poor I recommend we actually propose useful solutions…
Here’s my final solution for Israel to #FreePalestine…
Annex under a temporary territory status.
Gaza and the West Bank should each get an appointed governor to shepherd reconstruction for the next 10 years similar in concept to Postwar Japan.
Buy real estate. Turn rubble into self-sufficient communities and give them to veterans.
Buy a one-way plane ticket with a stipend to anyone who wants to go. The stipend should be high enough that several countries such as Palestine (aka Jordan) would be happy to take them. After all, it’d be cheaper for Israel to send Omar than follow him around with a baton.
Import a lot of Asians who do sucky sucky long time.
With increased home ownership a baby boom would commence.
Offer a lot of well-paid public-sector jobs in Gaza and the West Bank. This would be better than perpetuating the cycle of dependency that the Palestinian oligarchs have created as it’d replace condemnation with contribution.
Educate people to love their shared country. It starts in the schools, but it extends into the public square. Run loud & proud public campaigns highlighting how virtually every objective measure would be improving for Palestinians once they’re freed from Hamas. Hold giant love fests where Muslims and Jews can come together to persecute Christians.
After the first 10 years let them elect their own governor and then 10 years later hold a referendum for full admission.
Adopt a formal written constitution with strong separation of powers, federalism, bill of rights, and term limits.
For the record, I’m not trying to make light of the deaths themselves. Every life is precious; or as my Grandma mutters at Rastafarian cookouts, “All lives matter.” What I’ve proposed here is far more honest and humane than what the Israeli government is currently doing and proposing. They’re clearly trying to price out Palestinians by demolishing an unnecessary amount of buildings and so whereas they’re doing it with the stick I think it should be done with the carrot (Palestinians voluntarily selling & emigrating wouldn’t constitute “ethnic cleansing”) and whereas Bibi is saying that after the conflict Israel should only maintain security control I’m saying it should maintain full control in order to more effectively bombard the population with facts and love.
This would obviously bring that area of the world unprecedented peace and prosperity, wherever that area is, but people twist themselves into knots to placate and pander.
Can I get a “you go gurrrl” from my #QueersforPalestine sistas? Who needs two-states when you can have infinite genders?
A two-state solution may temporarily produce good feelings, but it’s likely the most radical Muslim-majority population in the world would reelect a theocratic terrorist organization that would again enrich itself at the expense of Palestinians by blaming its ineptitude on the big bad Jew.
Mama, is that a firework? No, honey.