Why Andrew Yang Isn’t Taken Seriously As a Candidate

Let’s say you’re a doctor.

In walks the strongest patient you’ve ever seen — physically and mentally.

He’d win any fight!

And he’s responsible for more innovation than any other person you’ve ever met. There isn’t even a close second.

But he’s aging.

He’s still the strongest person you’ve ever seen, but he isn’t as strong as he used to be.

You decide, okay, I’ll prescribe him some medication…

Some well-tested drugs could help, but you think, “I know better than the medical community.”

He asks, “Can you make me stronger?”

You tell him, “Yes, I have what you need! I’m Asian, so you know I’m a good doctor. haha”

(But you’re not actually a doctor because you have 0 medical experience.)

The patient asks impatiently, “But is it safe?”

You tell him, “Of course!”

But honestly, you know this drug’s only been tested on a few small control groups, and in actuality, the specific version of your drug (the Freedom Drug) has NEVER been tested. And outside of testing, there is NOT A SINGLE NATION in the world who is prescribing ANY version of it.

The patient reads your mind, “How has this drug worked for other people?”

You tell him about a guy up in Alaska whose on a weaker version of a similar drug and how happy he is with it (but you neglect to bring up the fact that the guy only gets the drug based on his PERFORMANCE and so if he performs less he gets less. Your prescription, however, is a guarantee at roughly 12X the dosage).

The patient nods and asks, “But is this drug addicting? Because people say I have an addictive personality.”

You say, “Nope.”

But deep down, you know it’s the most highly addictive drug on the market. Once your patient is hooked he’ll keep coming back to up the dosage — 15X, 20X, 30X, etc. You can’t say no either because he’ll just find another doctor to prescribe it.

The patient’s nephew tugs on his shirt,

“Uncle Sam, are you going to get it?”

“Too much too soon,” he responds.

As a memento, you give them a lollipop.

Something sweet with empty calories to remember you by.

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